“We can get so busy trying to fill in what is missing and correcting what is not working that we fail to realize that there is an appropriate “coming apart” happening. The “coming apart” will make room for what is next. The “coming apart” is evolutionary, making room for what is next and better. It is needed and wanted and good and worth appreciating wholeheartedly.”
I’m a naturally reflective person – looking back before moving forward, gauging growth, evolution, progress of any kind, revisiting dreams, revising goals / plans /projects –
Birthdays are big looking back times, anniversaries of all kinds, holidays –
that’s a lot of reflection –
Reflection reveals patterns, and patterns make pictures and pictures bring clarity –
But pictures don’t show up complete, they’re created over time – in space –
Until one day you ‘see’ the direction you’re going. Even though the big picture may still be out of focus you begin to recognize the patterns that are being created –
you make connections, redirect focus –
But clarity isnt some ‘thing’, it’s a process that evolves over time – in space –
It invloves a certain willingness to see your life as the answer to everything you ever wanted or asked for – clarity comes in chapters –
On top of reflecting about all the stuff going on in the world, this holiday season has been especially poignant for me personally as I reflected on the end of a 20 year cycle in my life.
This year birthdays, anniversaries, holiday celebrations took on a whole new level of reflection – lockdowns became a very useful space for this to happen.
You either embraced it, resisted it, distracted yourself from it or dove in head first –
I of course dove in, ready and willing to see the patterns in everything.
This year a new inventory of insights showed up in this reflective space.
Some of the patterns that I saw were shocking to me, some I knew were there –
all of them trapping me somehow –
There has been such an accelerated energy this year towards purging people and patterns, thoughts, beliefs and dreams that once promised something that was never delivered, and never would be –
so with all of the changes, with all of the learning, with all of the letting go, and all of the sifting that has been going on – an entirely new landscape is showing up, not just a reset – more like a recalibration, rebalancing of my inner compass – a course adjustment –
Where I was 20 years ago – who I was –
where I am now – who I am – are not the same.
Where I thought my life was going, where I thought my commitments would take me in all areas of my life, is not even remotely what I had envisioned, or what I was working towards
this journey took me somewhere else altogether –
It’s as though the last 20 years of living eroded everything – everything I thought to be true, thought would happen, worked to make happen. It challenged everything I had committed to and everything I trusted, on a level I have never experienced in my life before.
A visual of a home gutted to the studs shows up as I’m writing –
this is foundational – this is ground zero – but not rock bottom –
All that eroding has cleared the way for clarity to reveal the next chapter, and with that clarity, new information, new perspective, new understanding.
I’m remaining in a place of curiosity wondering what this new chapter will reveal both personally and collectively.
Cycles cycle –
We are where we’ve been before –
And will likely return to again
What do we know now, see now, understand now that will help us navigate this newly forming territory that this year has catalyzed ?
We will be writing about this year for decades I expect –
a transformative year to be sure. The challenge this year more than any other has been to see possibility disguised as stress and fear, betrayal and isolation, taking the opportunity to course correct, to retrieve ourselves from the collective madness and remember peace.
Among the many things it has been, it’s purpose as a catalyst for expediting immense restructuring, highlighting injustices and inequities, individually and collectively is for me what has been one of its’ most important offerings –
And now – now what? How do we usher in a new era aligned with the creative force/energy of our collective humanity?
How do we anchor there in a new way that makes veering off course not optional?
Anyone who knows me knows I love a good transformation story, before and after makeovers of all kinds, and this one is a doozie! But has there ever been an easy renovation? Are the results always worth it?
A part of me is excited to see how it all unfolds – what about you?
In closing the 2020 chapter, I want to acknowledge the sadness we all share as we collectively grieve for those who transitioned this year in the midst of so much fear –
greiving what we’ve lost in all areas of our lives, releasing a past that was never going to take us into the future –
Light, love & peace to you my peeps
to those of you I know and to those of you I don’t
thank you for showing up and showing interest
Peace peace, and more peace
December 31st 2020
These two paintings are from the series
‘les rêves des jardins d’hiver’ a winter garden dreaming
It seemed appropriate somehow to share them given what we’ve experienced this year and whats next – sowing future dreams with the best of intentions, being open to possibilities –
All images /text © Louise Pagé 2021